I’m an older sister. Being an older sibling takes a lot of responsibility, and brings a strong instinct to protect. My sibling and I are six years apart but very close. Due to our upbringing, we have always been. Our closeness enabled me to watch every aspect of their life, doing my best to guide their way safely–even when they posed questions about their identity at a young age.

I want to draw attention to the impact of the recent regressive malicious efforts to marginalize an already vulnerable group while sharing my family story and explain why I believe timely access to gender-affirming care—care that respects the dignity and autonomy of the individual – is a critical issue that we all must care about.

Why Am I Different On the Outside?

Fifteen years ago, I was sitting with my sibling, who suddenly expressed that they didn’t like being a girl. Rapidly going through early puberty, faster than I did, the struggle they faced left them heartbroken about their body’s change. Breasts, periods, and the societal obligations of women–they expressed their desire to be a boy instead and asked me how it was possible. I didn’t know. Not for sure. I knew bits and pieces, but nothing concrete. This question was posed when they were nine years old. Nine.

Despite the influence of the internet and social media, I encouraged prioritizing feelings over external perceptions. Unsure of what actions to take, I did my best as a teen, remaining supportive. Then we got older, I moved out and was unable to see their struggle assimilating with the stereotypical gender requirement and fighting against what they wanted. When they were a teen, everything came crashing down—the firm realization that they wanted to escape the body they were in. Suicidal, broken, and pleading for help, I jumped in and told them we needed to tell our parents. We were terrified. The uncertainty about how our parents would react stirred toxic anxiety, and I stepped in as the mediator.

Our parents took it hard. A yelling match ensued in their bedroom. Confusion, anger, and loss culminated in that 12’ x 12’ space. I was met with a heavy rebuttal because of their lack of understanding—not that they didn’t want to—but because they were genuinely terrified and facing a greater unknown. Now, with a journey ahead of us, as a family, we took the time to learn and understand, working towards the solution: getting my sibling real treatment. This treatment would enable them to become their true self.

Transgender healthcare is extensive, from emotional to mental and overall physical health. It’s not going to a doctor’s office and demanding surgery or medication. No, it’s not like that. Please understand this from someone who was supportive and involved through every phase. It’s seeing a therapist, being examined by a psychiatrist, attending support groups, and meeting with an endocrinologist to explore options on top of appointments with a general practitioner. This isn’t a one-and-done. This expensive process takes years, and patient supervision and monitoring is critical.

This process was new and unusual—essentially starting over. My sibling—my brother—was finally able to start being himself. To say there were bumps in the road would be an understatement, but the fact he went through this with his family’s support was essential. The fact on his graduation day, he was able to receive his diploma as himself was a surprise to me and those in attendance. We prepared ourselves to hear his dead name. When, instead, the announcer spoke his full real name, I cried hard. I still do when I think about it. I cry because all children should be able to experience that moment: to be seen and celebrated for who they are. Nearly ten years later, my brother is thriving. That is a tribute to his resilience and courage, the support and love of our parents, and because he had access to healthcare that centered him as a patient. I know that my brother is one of the lucky ones. He wouldn’t be here without my parent’s love and their support or access to his healthcare.

Now, place this experience in this present day. Think of a child experiencing these feelings right now.

“Protect” The Children

The recent and continuing barrage of attacks on transgender care in the United States has been so painful, infuriating, and heartbreaking, and to be quite frank, I’ve had enough of it.

Months ago, I tried to write about the attacks on transgender people and the care they need in the United States. Exhausted and defeated to finish this piece, I…just couldn’t. Each week, there was another law. Another ban. Another state, up in arms, screaming, “Protect the children.” South Dakota, Utah, Oklahoma, Florida, and the list goes on. News reports were appalling; the vicious laws stripped trans-children’s rights and attacked the parents who supported them. Very quickly, the laws began to target transgender adults, making it clear that this is not about protecting the children but attacking people who do not conform to someone’s idea of normal. Article after article, watching the map on the Human Rights Campaign expand, I fear for transgender communities across the United States.

I am worried for my brother. Not only for his physical safety but his ability to continue to receive the care he needs with the dignity he deserves. As I was writing this piece, last week, my brother informed me he had to switch providers because the only doctor who could treat him left the practice. He is now with Planned Parenthood, the only provider left in the city he has access to within the means of cost, insurance, and transportation.

By removing access to transgender care, lawmakers strip the bodily autonomy of another minority group. It’s denying these patients the right to consult with and make healthcare decisions with their providers based on evidence-based practices for their own care. What has happened in the past few years alone has caused a high concern.

• 315 discriminatory anti-LGTBQ+ bills were introduced in 2022.
• 35.1% of transgender youth live in states that have passed bans on gender-affirming care.
• In their lifetimes, at least once, 75% of LGBTQ youth have encountered discrimination due to their sexual orientation or gender identity.
• LGBTQ youth who were subjected to conversion therapy reported more than twice the rate of attempting suicide in the past year compared to those who were not.

When a transgender or nonbinary youth has the affirmation they can be themselves, such as being respected by their choice of pronouns and allowed to change legal documents to their identified gender, there are reported lower rates of attempting suicide.

Let me be clear: These laws do not protect children.

Instead, these laws attempt to force a reality that does not exist for the benefit of the ignorant and prejudiced.

We’re all human. We should be united and willing to create a world that benefits everyone. That’s what lawmakers are supposed to do, right? They should want to help all people to live freely, be independent, and have equal opportunities. Not just those with the same beliefs, values, and perspectives as them. Everyone.

Autonomy. Independence. Freedom.

Freedom, under our Constitution, means limiting the ability—by scope and nature—of the government to interfere with or control our personal lives. This reflects a recognition of autonomy—a person’s ability to self-govern according to their own values—as a fundamental human right. The relationship between a doctor and their patient is an area where coercive government interference has and should continue to be scrutinized. The government’s interference in a person’s bodily autonomy, along with that of the patient-doctor relationship, does not reflect American values—or Constitutional protections—especially when it contradicts science and medical evidence.

Take a moment and reflect, asking yourself: Why, as reflected in these anti-trans legislation, is there distrust in medical professionals who know what’s best for patients? Why would someone uneducated in medical and psychiatric care know what is best, especially when they refuse to take any time to listen, to learn? How would you feel if legislators decided to interfere in a decision you made regarding your own body simply because they disagreed with it?

I’m not an expert in the facets of transgender healthcare. It’s still hard to understand, but factual evidence, critical thinking, and compassion are how to make humane decisions for those who need equitable healthcare. I also know that if an individual, or group of people are unwilling to grapple with factual evidence, to listen to others, and to recognize the impact of their actions—that is instead the mark of a bully—more interested in scapegoating or marginalizing others. If there has been anything I’ve learned during my time on this planet—no one should accept or tolerate bullies. That I am an expert on.